On a serious note: Rape!

When I first started writing this blog, I thought I would only concentrate on my experiences as a bou. Soon it became apparent to me that if I were to only write from the perspective of a wife, I won’t be doing much growing and would probably be annoying and whiny. Inspired by this blog,  I have decided to post about some serious content as well: to bring my academic and social activist side to view. Since I am not doing a lot of active social activism now, this will be a good way to wedge my way back in.

Today I will write about if certain women deserve to get raped. Few days ago, in Bangladesh, a model was murdered. She was probably raped,and buried in haste without her family’s knowledge.  I was surprised to see the responses from a few of my Bangladeshi Facebook acquaintances. They talked about how indecently models dressed and that’s why they deserved to be raped. One of even commented that since models dressed in immodest clothes, it is not surprising that they would be raped. One would, of course ,be surprised if a hijabi women were raped!

Of course, comments like these angered me. I replied to a few of them explaining that rape is not about sex, sexuality, sexual desire or how one dresses. It is a way to enforce power and to keep women/and men suppressed in this patriarchal society. One can dress/act anyway one wants, but that does not mean that they became rape-able. In response to this, I got a reply that if you have nice things in your house, you lock the door because you do not want to get robbed. To that I say, just because I have nice things does not mean it is okay to rob me, right??

Rape is wrong! No reasons can justify it! Women get raped! Men get raped! Good girls get raped! Lesbians get raped! Gay men get raped! Prostitutes get raped! Wives get raped! Hijabi women get raped!

Today, if we justify that wearing certain clothes makes a woman more likely to be raped because she is arousing men, then who knows what we will say tomorrow? Tomorrow, we will say she spoke too loud, she spoke aggressively, she took a walk outside her home, she is too educated, she is not educated enough, she has a job, she doesn’t want to get married etc, so she should be raped. Rape has been used a weapon in war situations. In those situation, it did not matter how young, beautiful  those women were or how they dressed.In those situations, women’s bodies became a site of war, a site violence (I can’t remember the citation for this).

Rape is a tool for sexual assault! We can not blame the victim for being raped. The rapist makes a conscious choice to rape and should be held accountable for their actions.

~bou

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3 responses to “On a serious note: Rape!

  1. No one deserves to get raped, period. I don’t think this should even be up for discussion.

    Unfortunately, some people in our society are so steeped in bigotry and prejudice that they see violations of “social norms” as an even bigger crime in some ways. They will make loud noises about the “dignity” of women and the so-called respect they have for them, but these same people will then indulge in victim-blaming of the vilest kind without turning a hair.

    One would, of course ,be surprised if a hijabi women were raped

    And yet, they do get raped. I suppose the author of this response might almost think of that as a compliment to them.

    I got a reply that if you have nice things in your house, you lock the door because you do not want to get robbed

    This response says a lot about it’s author too. Since when did women become comparable to “nice things in your house”, anyway? Talk about objectifying women.

    I have heard all sides of the rape story, ranging from “It’s about power, not sex” to “No, the feminists got it wrong, it IS about sex after all”. I don’t know what it’s about. Frankly, I don’t even care too much what it’s about, any more than I care what murder or burglary or physical assault is all about. That is the job of sociologists, evolutionary biologists and law enforcement officials.

    What I do know is that it’s a CRIME. It HURTS people beyond words. It does psychological DAMAGE that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. It’s just wrong, and there’s nothing in the world which can legitimize something like that. No argument, no moral code, no holy book, nothing.

  2. Thinking back to the time when I travelled in India…I always made sure to dress modestly (sometimes covering myself with a shawl head-to-toe) – I still got hassled, sometimes in very scary and intense ways. Rape has nothing to do with the way a person dresses.
    Good on you for replying to those thoughtless comments!

  3. Some people just don’t want to take responsibility for their actions and feelings. Rather than acknowledging their feelings of attraction towards someone and dealing with it the blame is transferred to object of attraction. I think in some communities people are not taught to deal with attraction adequately. Very interesting post and comments.

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